there is one less person in the world who loves me.

one of the only people left who knew me at my best and brightest and most broken and how will i remember those times with her gone?

we met in class at humboldt state–i made her cry with an essay about my dad’s death and seeing his grave marker for the first time. i was so raw with my grief, then, and my writing was so unfiltered. i can’t imagine being that open now–i don’t think i’m capable of knowing and understanding my feelings that deeply anymore, let alone describing them to a room of strangers, or the world on the internet. later in the year, i remember sitting on the steps of founder’s hall and our teacher came out and called us his “two favorites” and we were still talking about that up to last year. we loved being smart, talking about books, working through the boys in our classes. grief brought us together and now i’m left alone with my grief.