grumpy

i don’t have a lot of patience tonight and i can’t seem to settle in to do anything…i’ve been feeling this antsy, unsettled, irritable way for a while and i think i need to get through tomorrow and all the ridiculousness of celebrations i’m not a part of and then i can get back to feeling normal?  go giants and all that…and feel free to dress like a whore and pander to the patriarchy tomorrow all you want–i just want to get to the other side, get through this election and see what my future holds.

please vote yes on 30 if you’re a california voter–it could really mean my job.

top five all-time favorite food items

in no particular order:

• tofu gra prow from regent thai
• really good mashed potatoes with a lot of butter melting on top
• zante’s vegetarian indian pizza covered in navrattan korma
• mitchell’s pumpkin ice cream in a sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream and roasted almonds
• a piece of that raspberry/blackberry/blueberry pie i had up in the yukon and alaska…

and i’ve had two of those things in the last two days!  i am a very lucky girl who lives in a very wonderful neighborhood.  🙂

how is this fair? how should i not be angry?

i went to the juhsd school board meeting tonight and i finally had to leave at 10:15 because i started muttering to myself and snorting in disbelief at what board members and management were saying.  it really never occurred to me that the board and administration weren’t totally on the same side and basically were the same entity–yeah, well, i guess they really shouldn’t be that way if the board is the one to decide a grievance against management!  one board member was not only dismissive, but rude and derogatory–he asked the union representative where her information came from, she said CFT legal council and the board member said “the organization who represents you says it’s true and *that* is your evidence?” like the CFT legal council is biased and county council is fair?  i mean, i don’t honestly know what the fuck his point was, other than just being an asshole.

management completely contradicted each other.  one sounded very dismissive and put upon, like it was such a burden to even have to address such ludicrous accusations and the other basically kept saying what the union was saying–that the word in the contract was MINIMUM.  management wanted to set a cap, membership wouldn’t go for it, so they set a minimum.  dude, after you convince me that minimum means maximum, let’s focus on how black is actually white and up is actually down.  ack.

of course, the upshot of everything is that teachers will continue to get fucked over and we will have no voice and no advocate with the people who matter.  teachers, it is abundantly clear, are not the people who matter.  students also appear to not be people who matter.

i really, honestly want to know–does the JUHSD board not know that admin got fat pay increases and don’t seem to pay very much in health benefits at the same time we’re getting pay cuts and insanely high jumps in our out-of-pocket, or do they just not care?

bitter

i don’t know exactly how i’ve made it this far–42 years!–in this obviously unfair world and yet still not gotten used to the fact that things aren’t fair.  i can be perfectly nice and get nowhere.  someone else can be perfectly horrible and get everything. 

life is not fair.

so it goes.

i need to get the fuck over it and just be happy when good things happen to nice people and not try to keep some checks and balances accounting.  no matter how good i try to be, i might just never get what i want.  but i should still be good, right?  isn’t that supposed to be what’s important?