June 28, 2016

car stress, which is really money stress, is not something we need right now.  not something anyone ever needs, of course, but i have enough existential angst going on as it is–the idea that i’ve just paid $1400 to repair my mom’s car–basically more than it is worth–and we’ll still have to buy her a different car on top of that because this’ll just keep her limping along until we can figure something else out.


i haven’t even paid off my car (that i hate) yet, but now i’m going to try to absorb another car payment?  and my rent goes up next month, of course.  it’s just exhausting, all on top of a grief sandwich of worrying about my aunt and uncle.

i picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.


i guess most days are both those things, depending on where the focus is.  probably plenty of motivational posters out there to tell me that one, but sometimes i have to be almost forcibly reminded that there are people in my life who give me pleasure, who love me and who are happy that i love them.

so much is just so dark and scary in the world right now.  people are so proud of their small minds and bigotry, and somehow rally around it and fail to see where those things lead.  when something awful happens, no one takes responsibility for any part in the process they might be aiding and, instead, focus on whatever target that can rile people up and turn attention away from their own culpability.

this world makes me very sad, but there are still so many wonderful moments of comfort and joy.  i wish i could see more ways that it might get better, because there are so many, many ways that it is all going to hell in a hand basket.

at least today, in my world, there were tiny croissant cookies from the daiso store and a good friend for sharing.

my mom is up at the compound, keeping an eye on uncle bill and keeping him company while aunt elaine is at the hospital.  not sure what will happen when aunt elaine is gone.