ah, well, not that shitty, i guess, but a little sad and lonely, even though i only tore myself away from the bar because i have to get up and be at work at 7:30 tomorrow morning.  i could still be there, having fun.  i don’t like the part of me that gets this way.  i don’t understand it, either.  i mean, beyond the whole “alcohol is a depressant” and “i’m not as young or attractive as i used to be and here i am, alone” parts, that is.  i understand those parts pretty well.

dude, watching some random netflix movie called _the romantics_ and it just featured quite the shot of katie holmes’s bosom in profile.  oh, my!  not to be shallow, but the bosom was almost as good as her acting in _pieces of april_.  so far, this movie is not, but i’ll keep an eye out with hope toward the rack.

disappointment?

August 10, 2013

i don’t ever think that my father would be disappointed in me, but i think he would be disappointed for me, and sad that i’m alone.  the only boyfriend of mine he ever met he didn’t think much of, but i know it made him happy that i had someone.  he always worried that i was too lonely.

i had a dream about my dad last night.  i was with him on a picnic table in a park and we were looking at an ad for a house for sale.  i told him that i’d pretty much given up hope of ever being able to buy a house and it made us both sad.  i told him that i missed him so much and he hugged me and i was a little girl again.